Random Thoughts From Temple, TX

I like to go jogging in a new city. In the nude. Its the only real ice breaker....

Im having such a fat day I cannot even fit into my sunglasses.

Im such a "butt guy" that I'll just drive the interstate to stop at all the Rest Areas and just sit on all those public toilets.....So romantic.

That blue water in the portable toilets is not as delicious as it smells. But the corn is.

I had one of my testicles get slammed in the car door the other day. I asked my wife to please take them out of her purse, But nooooooo......

I lost my virginity at a really young age. It was a long bike ride and I needed to sit down. Fucker never called me again.....

I traded in my truck yesterday for some "Wheelies", the shoes with wheels in the heels, and two leaf blowers.

So I finally waxed my nipple hair...

Do I Look Like I want To Talk To You?

It never fails. Tight jeans, black tee shirt with an unfriendly heavy metal bands name emblazoned on the front, sometimes a backwards fitted black hat, and usually an inappropritely long goatee. My lack of facial expressions should speak for themselves, my dis-interest in all sporting events other than Hockey, specifically The Detroit Red Wings tells the tale. The fact that I do not find your tasteless jokes amusing, and therefore do not even acknowledge your existence, should be reason enough, to PLEASE DO NOT TALK TO ME. Ok, maybe my jeans are not that tight....Much to my dismay, I tend to be the one that every Tom, DICK and Harry want to tell their life story to whilst enjoying a frosty beverage at the local watering hole, or while at the grocery store, gym, gas station, I think you get the point. Dont get me wrong, the reason I want to be left alone, is because I like to listen. But I like to listen at my own pace. I dont want you to cram the details down my throat. I would like to develop at my own speed, the utter disappointment to which you so rightly deserve. I like to relax by listening to the conversations being had amongst those who are not alone at the bar. Its frightening what some people will say within ear shot of another human being. A wise man once said to me, "Dont worry dude, I know how far my voice travels"(Head) But I think that was after 6 or 7 Budweisers and one or 5 Jack and Cokes. My wife thinks its hilarious. She knows I want to be left alone, so whenever she comes to meet me for a cocktail, she is always amused at the Goon spilling his beans to my left.
Thats enough ranting about this, but if anyone has any secrets on how to be left alone. Im all ears...