Nice Boots!

I know by the title that it may seem as though Im going to go off on another tangent about Texas folks. Quite the contrary. I want cowboy boots. I want some motherfucking Rattlesnake skin boots and I WILL get some before I leave!
I digress, Im talking about the stupid ass boots that the ladies are wearing with their jeans tucked in and the boots up to their knees with fur on them. Hold the phone...Dont call me and complain. Im sure you all are fine upstanding environmentally conscientious individuals and you do not deserve to be made fun of. However, You! You, with the shorts and or mini skirt and tank top with these boots on in FL as you park your car at the beach, YOU! Im talking to mostly to you. Where did your parents go wrong?

Un-Welcome to Lubbock, TX!

This is certainly not my first rendezvous with the great state of Texas. Maybe, just maybe this is my first encounter with REAL Texas, as Ive been to Dallas, Ft. Worth, Humble, Houston, Temple, Belton, and its always a warm, friendly welcome. But Lubbock, sweet sweet, windy, flat, cotton gin Lubbock, you are not as friendly. I find that your residents arent quite ready for the tattooed, heavy metal Yankee turned Florida Boy quite yet. I know, I know, Jersey Shore is on the TV here and they do have the internet machine so the reason for your confusion is beyond me. I've noticed, however, that the only tattoos in Lubbock are emblazoned upon the Mexican Residents, or immigrants, not sure which, so I suppose that could have something to do with it. I understand if your view of me is that im a trouble maker. Youre right. Now dont get me wrong, Ive come across some very nice people thus far. Starbucks usually employs a culturally diverse group and they tend to be a bit more understanding than your avergae citizen. So thank you, I appreciate it! To the rest of the city of Lubbock, I'll do my best not to offend anyone. I'll keep my pants on in public, shirt on at work, and music pouring from my truck to a low rumble. I'll get this restaurant done as quickly as possible and be out of your way. Till then, keep your wranglers to yourself, and may the wind blow your stupid hats off! Eat me!